What My Parents Couldn’t Give Me

When I first arrived in the United States fifty years ago, it was on a Pan Am flight from the Philippines. I can still remember that day so clearly, as if it just happened yesterday. As I boarded the plane, the flight attendant kindly pinned a Pan Am wing pin to my red dress. I thanked her in my native tongue, speaking softly. Stepping off the plane onto U.S. soil, I held tightly onto my grandfather’s hand. It was a big transition for me because I left behind the comforts of having many helpers and nannies. Suddenly, my brother and I had to learn to fend for ourselves while our parents struggled to make a living and adapt to a new and unfamiliar culture.

Looking back, my childhood memories are a bit hazy. I think it’s because I didn’t have much fun during those years. I became obsessed with achieving and would consider myself a complete failure if I didn’t get an “A” on my report card. Now, I realize that my drive for accomplishments stemmed from a lack of parental encouragement and meaningful conversations.

I don’t recall having many heart-to-heart talks or engaging in playful activities with my parents. Family vacations were a rarity, and those warm, cuddly feelings associated with childhood are missing from my recollections. Honestly, there’s not much I can remember about my early years.

That’s why I made a promise to myself to change that part of my childhood, the part that lacked a close relationship with my parents.

Parents have a tremendous influence on their children’s lives. When there’s a strong bond between parents and kids, the children are less likely to want to disappoint them.

Research has shown that a solid parent-child relationship brings immense benefits:

1. Young children who have a secure and healthy attachment to their parents are more likely to develop happy and fulfilling relationships with others.
2. Kids with a strong connection to their parents learn to handle their emotions better, even in tough situations.
3. It positively impacts a child’s mental, linguistic, and emotional development.
4. Children with a close relationship with their parents tend to exhibit optimistic and confident social behaviors.
5. When parents actively engage in their child’s daily life, it lays the foundation for improved social and academic skills.
6. A secure attachment leads to healthy social, emotional, cognitive, and motivational development. It also helps children develop problem-solving skills when they have a positive relationship with their parents.
7. Happier and more satisfied parents often have stronger relationships with their children.

It’s important to recognize that our own well-being plays a significant role in the health of our relationships with our kids.

If you’re looking to improve various aspects of your life, my book, “Self-Care Self-Love For Overwhelmed Moms: 17 Truths to Reduce the Guilt, Discover Your True Identity, Build Healthier Relationships, and Believe You Are More Than Enough,” can serve as a helpful guide on your journey to personal growth and creating a stronger connection with your children.