Have you ever had a moment where you realized… I’m exhausted, and I can’t keep fighting like this anymore?
I’ve had more than one of those moments. And honestly, each time, I thought the answer was to push harder, hustle more, tighten my grip, and keep proving that I was strong enough, tough enough, “faith-filled” enough.
But, friend… that’s not where I found my strength.
No.
My strength didn’t rise up in the fight.
It was found in something far gentler—almost softer than I thought strength could ever be.
I found it in the surrender.
So today, let’s talk about that. Let’s talk about the unexpected, countercultural, uncomfortable truth:
The real transformation didn’t happen when I fought harder.
It happened when I finally laid everything down.
Grab your coffee… this one is personal.
When Fighting Becomes a Lifestyle (And Not in a Good Way)
I grew up believing that fighting was the only option.
Push through.
Be strong.
Don’t let anything break you.
Get back up as fast as you can.
Never show weakness.
Sound familiar?
You probably have your own version of that story. Maybe you learned to hustle. Or to hold everything together. Or to be the one who rises to the occasion every single time, no matter how drained or heartbroken or depleted you feel.
Some of us don’t even realize we’re living in “fight mode.” It becomes our normal. Our home. The atmosphere of our inner world. And fighting—though it feels noble—can slowly become a way we distance ourselves from healing.
Because here’s the thing:
When you’re constantly fighting, you don’t have time to feel.
When you’re constantly fighting, you don’t have space to heal.
When you’re constantly fighting, you don’t leave room for God to move.
And honestly? Fighting feels productive. It feels like something we can control.
I once heard someone say:
“Fighting looks like strength from the outside… but inside, it’s often fear disguised as courage.”
That hit me. Hard.
Because so much of my fighting wasn’t courage at all.
It was fear.
Fear of losing.
Fear of disappointing others.
Fear of being seen as weak.
Fear of surrendering control and trusting God with the parts of my life I didn’t understand.
And let’s be honest: sometimes surrender feels like failure. Like giving up. Like not trying hard enough.
But what if surrender isn’t giving up?
What if surrender is actually the doorway to real, deep strength?
The Day I Finally Said “I Can’t Do This Anymore”
I remember the exact moment when everything inside me broke.
I felt like I was carrying the weight of several lifetimes—expectations, responsibilities, fears, pressures, and stories I told myself about who I needed to be.
It wasn’t one big thing that broke me.
It was the accumulation of tiny battles I kept pretending didn’t hurt.
And eventually… I just couldn’t fight anymore.
I didn’t even feel dramatic or emotional. I felt tired. So tired. Tired in a way that sleep couldn’t fix. Tired in a way that coffee couldn’t cover up. Tired in a way that “pushing through” only made worse.
And in that moment—this quiet, unglamorous, un-Instagrammable moment—I whispered words I never thought would come out of my mouth:
“God… I surrender. I really do. I’m done fighting.”
And you know what?
I wasn’t struck by lightning.
I didn’t suddenly feel spiritually powerful.
I didn’t float above the ground.
I just felt… relief.
A softness.
A release.
Like the inner walls I’d been holding up finally got permission to come down.
And instead of God looking at me and saying, “Finally, you gave up”—
I felt Him whisper:
“Finally, you let Me in.”
Why Surrender Feels Scary (But It’s Where Healing Actually Begins)
Let’s talk about this honestly.
Surrender is terrifying because:
- It requires trust.
- It requires vulnerability.
- It requires honesty about what’s not working.
- It requires letting go of what we’ve relied on for years.
- It requires admitting we’re human.
And for some of us… being human feels like weakness.
But here’s the truth we tend to forget:
Surrender isn’t the absence of strength.
Surrender is the birthplace of strength.
Because when you surrender:
- You stop leaking energy into battles God never asked you to fight.
- You stop carrying weights that were never meant for your shoulders.
- You stop running in circles trying to fix what only God can heal.
- You stop fighting life and start flowing with grace.
Surrender doesn’t mean passive living.
It means aligned living.
It means you finally stop moving from your own limited power
and you start moving from God’s unlimited strength.
Surrender isn’t weakness—it’s wisdom.
The Science of Surrender: What Your Brain and Body Already Know
Now let’s shift gears for a moment.
As much as surrender sounds spiritual (and it absolutely is), there’s also a powerful scientific side to it.
Our bodies were never designed to live in chronic fight mode.
And yet so many of us do.
What Happens to the Brain in “Fight Mode”
When you’re constantly fighting—emotionally, mentally, or spiritually—your body shifts into what’s called sympathetic activation, or your fight-or-flight state. That means:
- Cortisol rises
- Muscles stay tense
- Blood pressure increases
- Creativity drops
- Emotional regulation weakens
- The brain stops processing deeply and starts reacting quickly
- The prefrontal cortex (your rational thinking center) goes offline
- The amygdala (your fear center) takes over
This means we’re not thinking clearly, we’re not making grounded decisions, and we’re not hearing from the Holy Spirit as clearly because everything inside is loud and flooded.
Staying in “fight mode” for too long literally rewires your brain for survival, not peace.
What Happens in the Body When You Surrender
Here’s where surrender becomes powerful.
Studies show that when a person experiences surrender, acceptance, or release, the brain moves into a parasympathetic state—also known as the rest-and-repair state.
When this happens:
- Cortisol drops
- The heart rate steadies
- Muscles relax
- Blood flow increases to the frontal lobe (better decision-making)
- Emotional processing improves
- Peace becomes possible
- The body begins healing
- The mind becomes clearer
This is exactly why surrender often brings that deep exhale.
Your nervous system finally gets a chance to reset.
Surrender Isn’t Weakness — It’s Regulation
Your brain interprets surrender—not as giving up—but as:
“We’re safe now.”
And when you feel safe, you become stronger.
Your mind sharpens.
Your body heals.
Your emotions regulate.
Your creativity returns.
Your ability to hear from God becomes clearer.
Science and Scripture actually agree:
Strength rises when fear falls.
And fear falls when we stop fighting and rest in God.
Where Strength Actually Comes From (Spoiler: It’s Not What We Thought)
For the longest time, I thought strength looked like:
- Pushing through despite exhaustion
- Holding everything together
- Never asking for help
- Proving I could do it on my own
- Always being “the strong one”
- Keeping my emotions neatly tucked away
But friend… that’s not strength.
That’s survival.
Real strength—the kind that transforms you—looks very different.
True strength looks like:
- Saying, “I need help.”
- Letting yourself cry when you’ve reached your limit.
- Admitting to God and others, “I don’t have it together right now.”
- Resting instead of running.
- Releasing instead of controlling.
- Opening your heart instead of closing it.
- Being honest about what hurts.
- Taking off the mask.
- Being human.
And you know what?
It takes far more strength to surrender than it does to fight.
Fighting is a reflex.
Surrender is a choice.
A New Kind of Strength: The Strength That Lives in Surrender
There’s something beautiful that happens when you finally surrender:
You find a strength that’s not rooted in fear, pride, performance, or pressure…
but in peace.
It’s a strength built on:
- God’s power
- God’s presence
- God’s wisdom
- God’s timing
- God’s love
Not your effort.
Not your hustle.
Not your self-sufficiency.
This is the strength that rises quietly.
Softly.
Almost unnoticed at first.
It’s a strength that rebuilds your identity, not your image.
A strength that restores your heart, not your reputation.
A strength that brings clarity, not confusion.
It’s not loud.
It’s not flashy.
It’s not aggressive.
It’s steady.
It’s grounded.
It’s nourishing.
It’s deeply rooted.
It’s holy strength.
And it only grows in surrendered soil.
Surrender Isn’t a Moment — It’s a Rhythm
If only surrender were a one-time event, right?
I wish I could tell you I surrendered once and everything stayed peaceful forever.
But surrender is a rhythm… not a single decision.
I find myself surrendering daily.
Sometimes hourly.
Some days I surrender parts of my heart I didn’t even realize I was still trying to control.
But the beautiful thing is:
Every time I surrender, I don’t lose something…
I gain something.
- I gain clarity.
- I gain peace.
- I gain wisdom.
- I gain alignment.
- I gain God’s presence.
- I gain emotional space to breathe.
Surrender is like unclenching your fist.
You don’t realize how tightly you were holding on until you finally let go.
And I’ve never surrendered anything to God and regretted it—not once.
If You’re Tired of Fighting, You’re Not Alone
Maybe today you’re the one sitting quietly, thinking:
“I can’t keep doing this. I’m worn out.”
If that’s you… I want you to know:
You’re not failing.
You’re not weak.
You’re not behind.
You’re not broken.
You’re human.
And you’re tired.
And you deserve rest.
You deserve support.
You deserve a space to breathe.
To process.
To be honest.
To not fight alone.
And if you’re reading this, I don’t think it’s by accident.
Maybe God is whispering to your heart today:
“You don’t have to fight anymore.
Let Me carry what’s been crushing you.”
A Gentle Invitation: You Don’t Have to Walk This Path Alone
If this blog felt like it touched something inside you…
If you’re in a season where surrender feels scary, or heavy, or unfamiliar…
If you’re carrying things alone that were meant to be shared…
I want to invite you into a space that is safe, warm, and deeply healing.
💜
Join The Purple Room
It’s our anonymous, supportive, judgment-free gathering place inside EvenBetter where you’ll feel:
- Seen
- Heard
- Understood
- Valued
- Surrounded by people who get it
- Safe to take off your mask and breathe again
You don’t have to fight alone.
You don’t have to heal alone.
You don’t have to surrender alone.
Come join us — and let this be the season you finally let go…
so you can finally live free.
