Trading Control for Trust: What to Do When Fear Wants to Take Over

I have a confession to make.

Sometimes, when I’m afraid, I don’t freeze. I don’t run. I try to control everything.

I micromanage. I over-plan. I obsess over every possible outcome.

Because somewhere deep down, I believe this little lie:

**”If I can control it, I can avoid pain.”

But friend, can we just sit together in some honesty?

Control is a false comfort. It promises peace, but delivers anxiety. It promises safety, but leaves us exhausted.

Let’s talk about it—not from a place of guilt or shame, but from a place of grace and curiosity.

Because you and I? We don’t need to grip so tightly. There’s another way.

Why Control Feels So Comforting (But Isn’t)

Control makes us feel like we’re doing something. It gives the illusion of strength. But underneath it?

More often than not, it’s fear wearing a disguise.

Fear of the unknown. Fear of failure. Fear of loss.

So we:

• Check our phones a hundred times
• Rehearse conversations in our heads
• Plan every detail to prevent disappointment
• Try to “fix” people we love so they won’t get hurt (or hurt us)

And while it might give us a momentary sense of control, it actually leaves us more anxious, not less.

Why? Because we were never meant to carry the weight of outcomes.

We were meant to be faithful, not flawless. We were called to trust, not control.

What the Bible Says About Control vs. Trust

This one hits deep.

God never called us to be the ones holding all the strings. In fact, Scripture invites us to do the exact opposite:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” (Proverbs 3:5-6, NLT)

That verse isn’t just poetic. It’s practical.

It means:

• We can stop over-analyzing.
• We can pause the mental spinning.
• We can surrender what we don’t understand.

Jesus Himself modeled this kind of trust. In the Garden of Gethsemane, knowing the cross was before Him, He prayed:

“Not my will, but Yours be done.” (Luke 22:42)

Not because it was easy. But because it was the way to freedom.

Real trust isn’t passive. It’s active surrender.

It’s saying, “God, I don’t have to understand it all to believe You’re still good.”

And that shift? It changes everything.

What Science Says About Control and the Brain

Let’s talk a little neuroscience, shall we?

Your brain is wired for predictability. It wants to know what’s coming next so it can keep you safe.

That’s why uncertainty feels like a threat. And why your brain responds by trying to regain control—through planning, overthinking, or trying to manage other people’s reactions.

This behavior activates your amygdala, the fear center of the brain. When the amygdala is in charge, it sends out signals that release stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline.

In short: trying to control everything keeps your body in a chronic state of stress.

But here’s the good news:

Practices like breathwork, prayer, gratitude, and even just naming your feelings can activate your prefrontal cortex—the part of your brain responsible for logic, reason, and grounded decisions.

That means when you slow down and surrender, you’re not just obeying God’s Word—you’re also giving your body the signal: I’m safe now.

You’re literally rewiring your brain for peace.

And that makes trust not only a spiritual act, but a neurological one too.

Signs You’re Gripping Too Tight

So how do you know when control has taken the wheel?

Here are some signs that fear might be masquerading as control:

• You feel anxious when plans change unexpectedly
• You overthink simple decisions
• You struggle to rest unless everything is “done”
• You avoid delegating because no one does it “right”
• You constantly imagine worst-case scenarios

Sound familiar?

Friend, me too.

But here’s the gentle truth:

Control is exhausting.

And trust? Trust is freeing.

That doesn’t mean we stop caring. It just means we stop carrying what was never ours to hold in the first place.

How to Move From Control to Trust (One Small Step at a Time)

You don’t have to go from control freak to faith warrior overnight.

Instead, try this simple rhythm:

1. Pause and notice.
   • When you feel the urge to control, pause. Take a breath. What’s underneath it?
2. Name the fear.
   • Say it out loud or write it down. (Example: “I’m afraid they’ll be disappointed in me.”)
3. Surrender the outcome.
   • Pray something like: *”God, I release this into Your hands. You care more than I ever could.”
4. Take the next faithful step.
   • You don’t need the whole plan. Just the next step in love, integrity, and obedience.

That’s what trust looks like.

And over time? That one small practice becomes your new normal.

You’ll feel less frantic. More grounded. More peaceful.

Because the more you trust, the more you remember: You’re not in control—but you are held.

A Gentle Invitation When You’re Ready to Let Go

If this resonated with you—if you’re tired of holding it all together and trying to make everything turn out right—you don’t have to do this alone.

💜 Join The Purple Room, where you’ll feel seen, heard, and supported by others who are learning to release fear and walk in peace, one step at a time.

Or, if you need quiet space to reflect first, you can get free access to a personal rhythm that will guide you into journaling, prayer, and emotional clarity. It’s a space to breathe, to process, and to grow.

Wherever you are, just know:

God isn’t asking you to control the outcome. He’s inviting you to trust His heart.

And friend? His heart is so good.